The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly of Relationships: Part II

In Part 1 I posted six ways you can help, hurt, or destroy your relationships.  Whether the relationship is friendship, marriage, or parent and child this should help you see where you are and where you would like to be.  I hope it's a help and blessing.

7.) The Response of a friend/spouse/parent & child:

The Good: Conquer - 1 John 1:8, James 5:16, Prov. 24:16 This person admits and views their PERSONAL faults, failures, and sins.  Therefore they can conqueror their faults, failures, and sins (with GOD'S help).

The Bad: Coward - This person runs from truth.  He/She avoids Godly advice.  This person knows her/his personal faults, failures, and sins however they do not admit them or hear the truth.

The Ugly: Victim - Admits no wrong, no sin, no faults, no failures.  When others try to help; this person considers it as "an attack". This person presents it as persecution. 

8.) The Listening skills of a friend/spouse/parent or child:

The Good: Listener - This person listens to what and how something is being said.  This friend considers what was told to them, and understands before they blurt out advice. 
Prov. 4:1-4

The Bad: Hearer - This "friend" only hears what she wants to.  She does not

consider it or try to understand.  She/he gives their option and not biblical counsel.

The Ugly: Talker - This person is consumed with their self.  They talk only about situations, and circumstances that effect them.  They do not take time to hear or listen to their friend's needs.

9.) The Confidence of a friend/spouse/parent or child:

The Good: Trustworthy - Prov. 25:19, Prov 12:23 This person isn't a gossiper or judgmental.

The Bad: Talebearer - Prov 11:13 This person tells what they know.  Is not loyal to their friend.

The Ugly: Liar - Prov 6:12-15, Prov 11:9; Prov 12:20-22 This person lies about others, to make herself/himself or circumstances appear better than others.

10.) The Humility of a friend/spouse/parent or child:

The Good: Humble - Prov 12:1, Eph 4:2-3

The Bad: Self-righteous - This person doesn't remember where they were, they just judge people from where she/he is now.

The Ugly: Self-Exalted - This person thinks highly of oneself.  Gal 6:3, Prov 26:12, 
Prov 27:1,2 Prov 12:9

11.) The Compassion of a friend/spouse/parent or child:

The Good: Compassionate - Gal 6:1-2 She/He gives Grace, Patience to others. Love for others.

The Bad: Critical - This friend has a negative spirit.  Critical of a person rather than helpful.

The Ugly: Judgmental -Judges other's motives. 

12.) The Communication of a friend/spouse/parent or  child:

The Good: Godly Communication Prov. 13:3

The Bad: Foolish Communication Eph 5: 3-8 Loud, Silly, Clamorous 

The Ugly: Wicked Communication This person stirs up trouble with his/her tongue. Double tonged at times. 


These were just twelve points God gave me to share with my mentor girls.  God knew they needed to strengthen their friendships by strengthening what type of friend they were.  I saw growth in these young ladies as they allowed the Lord to examine their hearts.  I often reflect on this lesson to strengthen my relationship with my husband.  It's not easy admitting you are mostly The Bad, and some of The Ugly in the relationship.  But I do strive to be The Good.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly of Relationships Part I

This is a lesson I taught, in the past, to my "mentor" girls.  The application was for the friendship relationship.   However my husband, took the main thought, and with a twink here and there applied it to the marriage relationship.  As I was re-evaluating this lesson I decided it could be comparable to all our relationships.  My purpose, for sharing this, is so we can strengthen our relationships with our family and friends.  I've divided my points up into 3 different categories: 

1.) The mindset of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Spiritual Minded        The Bad - Double Minded   The Ugly - Carnal Minded

If you are Spiritual minded you are focus on God's Will for your life and your friends/spouse/child's life as well.  You will encourage them to accomplish great things for the Lord. The double minded person is a person who shares thoughts of the world with thoughts of the Lord.  The carnal minded person thinks only of oneself.
NOTE: * Your mindset will be based on your beliefs, standards, values, priorities, etc.

2.) The Prayer Life of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Prayerful Person - This person prays in detail for friend's needs, their burdens, their lost family, etc.
The Bad - 1/2 Hearted Prayers - This person will throw up their friend's name to God but not details of their needs.
The Ugly - Prayerless - This person prays only for what he/she wants.
* You will pray earnestly for the ones you love. *

3.) The Love of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Unconditional love - Proverbs 17:17
The Bad - Conditional love - This person will show love if you show love back.
The Ugly - Hate - They have no love for their friend *only self*
*Love is not wavered by any offence a friend may make, or do.

4.) The Forgiveness of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Forgiveness - A friend will give the GIFT of forgiveness without needing their friend to ask for it.
The Bad - Conditional forgiveness - This person will forgive if the other has "repented"
The Ugly - Unforgiveness - This person never forgives but ALWAYS remember the wrong

5.) The Influence of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Positive Influence - The Shudmite woman is a perfect example. She influenced her husband to build a room for "the man of God".  If you are a positive influence you will influence those around you to do good for the Lord, based on bible doctrine.
The Bad - Negative Influence - This person influence based on option, world's advice, world's acceptance and standards.  Not based on Bible principals.
The Ugly - Manipulation - This person influences others for oneself, to get what one needs or desires.
*This is a subject I will blog about soon. Manipulation is not restricted to wives manipulating their husbands, but parents manipulating children, as well as church members manipulating the Pastor. It is a cruel tool of the devil to get his agenda passed, leaving disaster in the wake.

6.) The Devotion of a friend/spouse/parent:
The Good - Giver - Acts 20:35 This person gives love, time, help. They invest in their friend/spouse/child.
The Bad - Taker - This person does not give love, time or help.  They TAKE the love, time, help from their friend.
The Ugly - Demand - This person does not give love, time, or help but expects their friend to cater to their needs and wants.  This person demands attention when needed.
* Note: Notice I used the word Devotion and not Loyalty. These are two different things.  Devotion is what a person will bring to the relationship.  Loyalty is allegiance, consistence,  and steadfastness.
  I have six more points to share with you on the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of relationship but I'll save them for next weeks blog.  I do hope you will honestly evaluate your relationships so you can build stronger homes, marriages, and friendships.   The stronger our relationships are the less likely the devil can destroy them.  I have seen, like never before, relationships attacked by the evils of Hell.  Friendships, Marriages, Relationships between parent and child destroyed so that God's work would be hindered.  Remember the motto: "United we stand, Divided we fall." Apply this not just to our nation, but churches, and homes.  If we do this, then we can accomplish so much the more for our Lord and Savior.  I truly hope this will help you as it has helped me in my relationships.

*Shout out to James and  Kim Martin. Kim delivered her beautiful baby today! I've not seen a picture of the baby yet, but I know she is beautiful, cuz her mama is gorgeous.  Congratulation to the Martin family!

Keeper at home

Proverbs 18: 22 "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."

Christian wives, I have a question for you:  Are you a good thing?

In Genesis 2:18, " And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Why is a wife a good thing? Because we help meet our husbands needs. So how can wives be a good thing and help their husbands obtain favor in the Lord?

To find the answer let's take a look in Titus 2:3-5 "The aged woman likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

  

A few words and phases I'd like to focus on. First, notice the word sober.  Sober means to be serious minded.  Wives should be serious about their home life.  By home life I mean the obvious, their husband and children.   In my observation, women seem to give leftover time to their husband and children instead of making them a priority. Second, the phrases "Love their husbands," and "Love their children". Love needs to fill the home. There is NOTHING that I would not do for Tom, Abby, Laney, and Micah.  I love them so much I am willing to do whatever to help them succeed in  their Christian life. The next two words is "Discreet" and "Chaste". "Discreet" means to hold your tongue.  Don't gossip about your husband, or your children. Don't be a victim. "Chaste" means to stay faithful to your husband, in body and mind.  The next phrase, "Keeper at home", is a topic of debate for some.  I have read and heard it said, "It is not right for a woman to be in the work force.  She is to be at home." and "She can not be a Godly woman if she is working." or the one that hurts the most, "The children are the ones that suffer because mom is working." I have seen Titus 2:3-5 be "their Bible" to back up their options. Man's option does not matter only Bible truths.  Using Titus 2:3-5 to back an option, wives are suppose to stay at home,  is like false religions using scripture for adding to salvation.  In 2 Timothy 2:15, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed rightly dividing the word of truth." With that being said, I can say with full confidence that working outside the home does not make you an ungodly woman anymore than being a stay at home mom makes you a godly woman.  The phrase "Keeper AT home" simply means that.  Keep to your spouse and children.  A home is the people not the building much like the church.  It's not the building that makes a church it is the people. In these days, I find more and more wives acting selfish and spoiled.  They think of their wants and needs not their family's. I've known families who suffer because Daddy is never home due to the three jobs he has to work when his wife is capable of working but refuses.  That is not fulfilling your purpose as a wife.  Like I stated earlier, we are to be help meets, we are to LOVE our husbands, and our children. To take time away from Father and child is cruel with no love demonstrated to either party at all. It is all done simply because she is selfish and spoiled.  Keeper AT home means to spend time with your husband and children.  Not to have your "girls night" or hang out with a friend feeling as if you are entitled to it.
Early in our marriage Tom was called to Pastor.  It was a church of eight people.  I knew his desire was to Pastor full-time. I was a full time student with no job.  Finances were at the fore front of his mind.  I needed to help meet my husbands financial need. I was in the work force for about nine years. Once we had our first child,  I was able to be a stay at home mom for about seven years before I re-joined the working wives club. My children are eleven, nine, and five.  Why did I go back to work?  Love for my husband and children. Not finances, or for insurance but to fulfill a need for my Husband and Children.  I work at the Christian school due to the lack of teachers available.  My husband began this school with a vision.  He sees it as a ministry.  We have seen children in our christian school trust Christ as their Savior and lives of children changed through their christian growth, families transformed for the Glory of God.  It's an amazing work!  So when two of our most trusted and loved teacher moved out of state we had a need to fill.  I was happy to step in to see my husband's vision carry on.  I would hate to see my husband's vision close the door because I was too selfish to get off my rear and do something.  My children attend the school.  I would hate for them to suffer because I was so spoiled that I didn't want to give up my routine. Even though I am working wife of three children I am still considered "Keeper AT home" because I am keeping my home as my priority. Again not the building, Tom, Abby, Laney and Micah.  Truth is there is less time for "me" now. I'm still cleaning house, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking to meet my families physical needs while I work at the school full time. However I'm not taking time from my husband and children. It's just from my "hobbies" that I'm taking time from.  :)

I know you must think I'm defending my choice and my husband's choice for working outside the home.  But I'm NOT! Nor am I giving my personal option on the subject.  I'm stating a Bible truth that gets misused often.  If you compare scripture with scripture you will see that it is not a sin for a woman to work outside the home.  It is not harmful to the kids.  It does not make a woman ungodly to work outside the home.  It is God's Will for a woman to fulfill her purpose. To be that help meet to her husband. To love him and her children enough to do whatever it is that they need even if that means get a job.  I've had three jobs in my lifetime.  In all three jobs I have worked my hardest , been a witness, and held a good testimony; all for my Savior's name, Husband's name, and Church's name.  Everything I do, I do with a mindset of the well being of my home.

I hope this was an enlightenment of the phrase "Keeper At home" and an encouragement.